Baldur is fully loaded on Old Sküll beer and ready to burst. Thor tells him now is the time to shower the earth with a glorious rainstorm. The eager humans on Midgard await the life giving rain from the heavens, calling to the Bright One to let it flow.
But weather can be fickle.
Battle Beer is Back!
Introducing Old Sküll Beer, the Strongest Beer in Asgard.
Old Sküll (correct pronunciation can only be achieved when completely loaded) is great for fightin’, fartin’, rootin’, tootin’, thunderin’, blunderin’, unloadin’, getting’ loaded, smashin’ trolls with hammers, gettin’ hammered with trolls, killin’ giants, loosenin’ up giant women, and is an all-around good-for-all-ages battle beer for creatures of the nine worlds and then some.
DON’T SETTLE FOR WATERED DOWN DWARF PISS. TELL YOU BARKEEP YOU WANT YOURS OLD SKÜLL TODAY!
Frequently Asked Questions about Old Sküll Beer
Is Old Sküll Beer a good drinking beer for Dungeons and Dragons?
No. Stick with caffeinated beverages. Save Old Sküll for after the game. This is powerful stuff, man.
I see from your advertising that Old Sküll beer can be used for “loosenin’ up giant women.” How many Old Sküll beers do I need to give a giant chick so I can get some?
Approximately 20,000. Consider buying Old Sküll by the barrel for your next date in Giant Land.
Does Thor always drink Old Sküll beer?
Does Tiger Woods only wear Nike? It would be breach of contract if he didn’t. But give Thor a break for selling out to the man. He was loaded on Old Sküll when he signed the contract.
What is the APR or whatever that statistic is on how much alcohol there is in the beer?
It’s called Alcohol by volume (ABV) and it’s just like your high school football coach used to say — 110%, buddy.
Is Old Sküll always written with an umlaut?
Yes, and the penalty for forgetting the rock dots is death.
How do you pronounce the ü in Old Sküll?
This is the subject of many barroom debates and often results in broken chairs and bloody noses. Drink enough Old Sküll and your pronunciation will be flawless.
Are alcoholic beverage with umlauts better than ones that contain no diacritical marks?
I get this one all the time. Not necessarily, but you are in good company when you drink an umlaut beer. Consider the following: Hofbräu, Düff, and Löwenbräu (fükn düble umlaut, not bad, brewmeisters).
Nothing is worse than a Halloween hangover. Not only does your head hurt, but your bed is covered in grease paint, your house is littered with costume accessories, and photos of you in your fursuit have suddenly appeared on the internet. Things in Asgard aren’t pretty on The Day After either. Thor is hung over from drinking too much, Loki is hung over from having sex with too many spooky chicks, and Baldur has troubles of his own…
Yes, those little orange dots in the fluorescent green vomit pool are supposed to be candy corns, that strange shaped, oddly colored, and frankly rather distasteful candy that we here in the U.S. find ourselves uncontrollably eating in October. I’m not sure how many candy corns a frost giant would need to eat to experience instant diabetes, but I’m sure it’s a lot.
In the Norse religion, Thor was well-loved by the people, and “held to control the winds and showers, the fair weather and fruits of the earth.” (Adam of Bremen, medieval chronicler)
And his beard was red.
The insidious Loki continues his amorous advances on Sif, the most beautiful woman in the realm. Loki invites Sif to grab on to his mustache like the reigns of a horse and ride to Valhalla on his dragon prow. Sif has had enough, and calls out to her husband Thor…
Mjolnir remembers the good old days (sometime around the year 900, perhaps) when he and Thor used to go slaying every day… giants in the morning, monsters in the afternoon, demons at night.
After enjoying a bit of violent sport at Loki’s Lair, Mjolnir is ready for more action. Thor, however, has other plans…
Loki has made a few modifications to the “wussy” version of golf so popular on Midgard.
– Glacial cravasses on hole seven.
– Life-threatening lava pits on hole 13.
– Red dragon on the final green.
75% of people who play Loki’s course are either killed or severely wounded, which leaves Odin looking for the green to tee off.
Odin and Thor gaze in shocked disbelief at Loki’s new fun park. Suddenly, they are interrupted by a human tourist from Midgard seeking a photo.
Man, there are things you just don’t say to Viking gods…
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