Always respect the God of Winter, even in Spring.
And this summer, don’t just loaf around the beach. Practice for winter, keep your skills honed.
Obey your sensei.
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Posts Tagged spring
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This is the time of year that you may be tempted to hike in the mountains or tan at the beach. But remember: Ull God of Winter (and hand-to-hand combat) is watching. Never let down your guard! Late season snow attacks when least expected!
How can Frigg celebrate Midsummer when there is still snow in her flower beds? The long winters and short summers of Asgard are starting to wear on her. Perhaps it’s time to move to a warmer climate… somewhere like Florida? Can Odin wait for the Ragnarok to begin from Miami Beach?
Odin has no desire to live in a troll-infested swamp. He uses his god powers in one of the wisest possible ways… keeping his wife happy.
My wife and I are living in northern Sweden and looking forward to the Midsommar holiday celebrations this week. However, we actually had to ask one of the locals yesterday, “is it summer yet?” True, we have not seen snow on the ground in, well, maybe four weeks… but it’s hard to believe we are hitting the “halfway point” where the days start to become longer again. Enjoy summer while it lasts!
Since I arrived in Sweden, I’ve been seeing tulips everywhere. First in the grocery stores, and now waging battle against the receding snow from patches of earth outside. They are hardy flowers to be sure. However, I have yet to see any tulips with extensible stems of this capacity. Probably because the telescopic tulip is only found in Asgard. And high quality elfshit fertilizer not yet available on Midgard.
Speaking of fertilizer made from sentient creatures, I was a little shocked when I first started learning about “designer excrements” available for purchase. Sure, everyone knows about cow manure, but how about milorganite? It’s a fancy term for the processed shit of the city of Milwaukee. They whip up a similar concoction from the turds of Boston. You can’t help but wonder if a little bit of the city character winds up in such brews. People in Milwaukee drink a lot of beer, so I imagine their shit is good for growing barley and hops. Boston is a city of colleges, so it’s probably good for growing those fancy kinds of lettuce you find in the supermarket nowadays. Elves, on the other hand, are creatures of magic, so elfshit is undoubtedly your best medium for growing mysterious flowers, man-sized carnivorous plants, and of course, psychotropic “magic” mushrooms.
The belligerent glacial lilly rallies his brothers and sisters to rise with him and conquer new lands. But lo, what is this… the Great Beast of the Cloudberry Bush has awoken. Come hither, foul creature, and taste the sharp edge of the pistil blade.
Odin rewards valor, and thankfully our little sprout friend now has a permanent seat at the salad bar in Valhalla. Remember, one man’s dragon is another man’s rabbit. Or a plant’s rabbit. Or something like that…
American tax day tomorrow. Good luck, folks.
The Glacier Lilly Prayer
Hear me, great earth!
Far too long I have lay in waiting.
The melt of the avalanche has given strength to my petals.
Torrrents of mighty chlorophyl course through my veins.
Soon my brothers shall join me.
We shall spread across the earth in an orgy of propagation and slaughter.
– Thane Bob Grimword
Meanwhile, in Asgard, a tiny shoot of life answers the first call of spring. A delicate flower creeps its way towards the sun. Until finally…
