This is a rare moment in Odin and Friends. Odin appears to be joking with Baldur. He seems almost affectionate. I mean, I think he’s joking.
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Let’s face it, that greased-log-and-boat theory is a little dull compared to what else is out there to explain how those giant stones got from distant locations to present day Stonehenge. Personally, I like the idea of bearded forest people casting spells to raise the stones and then ushering them through the air to their final resting places. Plus two for levitation.
Announcement! Rich, tan people have discovered the secret mechanics of the universe! Nevermind the scientists with their 11 dimensions and string cheese theories; forget the yogis, the shamans, the rune casters, and the wise rabbis of yore… new age gurus have uncovered the secret wealth-and-health formula of the pharaohs and Rockefellers and made a movie with their findings. So begone bearded sky tyrants… humanity has the secret — and your number too.
Yeah, I know “The Secret” (2006) is a bit dated now, but I wasn’t making this comic yet when it was “revealed to the world,” so I’ve got some catching up to do. I wonder, now that it’s four years later, how many people who bought those secret books and videos are now yachting around the Caribbean lighting cigars with newly printed hundred dollar bills. Certainly the folks who wrote the books can afford to.
Justification, flattery, guilt… it’s all part of the hard sell prayer. What’s a human got to do nowadays to get a mere 23 grand and a couple dozen chickens?
Not many people realize that most Christmas traditions were adopted from pagan society. During the Saturnalia, people roamed the streets drunk and naked, singing blessings to Saturn, the fertility god. Nowadays, Christmas carolers wear six layers of clothing and badger people on their doorsteps with songs about disgusting pudding concoctions and sleigh riding. Yeah, things have gone kind of downhill over the last 2000 years.
Put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is the reason for the season.
It’s not “winter holiday” – it’s our holiday.
Down with “holiday songs,” up with “Christmas carols.”
Boycott the Gap for not advertising in the name of our Lord.
Ham for everyone.
Outlaw dradle spinning in school.
Put the kabosh on Kwanzaa.
Doesn’t it just make you want to barf?
Hail Odin!
Odin realizes that not every man was born a poet. That some of us jumble our words and can’t figure out whether the word for strange is spelled “weird,” “wierd”, or “wyrd.” That most of us don’t prance around talking to the heavens all day but only when our head is on the block.
So when you do manage to cough out a prayer, don’t make the mistake of this bold knight and just recycle the one from Conan the Barbarian. Yes, the Conan Prayer is a beautiful little piece of work, but consider this:
– The prayer was intended for Crom, not Odin.
– The prayer was uttered by the body building governor of California. I’m with you, I wish the movie was real too, but we have to be honest about such things.
– Odin is the God of Poetry not the God of Movie Quotations and Arnold Impersonations.
Am I wrong on this one? You guys tell me.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Conan Prayer (infidels!), there’s a refresher below. No, the guy below is not me, but he has obviously seen the Greatest Movie Ever Made as many times as I have:
Be careful what you pray for. Or at least how you phrase your prayer. The gods can take these things quite literally.
Odin has never been fond of greedy individuals either. In the the Eddas, the gold-lusting witch Gullveig was attacked with spears in Odin’s hall and burned not once, not twice, but three times, setting off the first war of the universe between the Aesir and Vanir (some theorists have associated Gullveig with Freyja, who has an affinity for bright, precious, sparkly things).
One final bit of commentary: One nice thing about making a comic is it’s one of the few artistic mediums where you can still drop a safe on someone’s head for laughs.
