I haven’t seen a Rogaine ad in a long time, but I’m assuming that stuff is still around, turning humans into giant chia pets. Odin isn’t so crazy about scifi – you might say he’s been burned before.
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The Thor movie is over and it’s time to fill out the comment cards. Mjolnir wants more blood! Baldur thought everyone gave a fine performance. But what’s the judgement from the man of the hour, the God of Thunder himself?
By the way folks, I haven’t seen the movie so please don’t take any of this as an actual review 🙂
Thor is surprised to learn that he has been depicted… with blond hair! Apparently he doesn’t read the comic book or he might have seen it coming. Marvel has one of those weird comic book explanations to justify 50 years of bucking Eddaic sources and other traditions which define Thor as having red hair, a red beard, and red eyes when he gets pissed (the current Thor is actually the third Thor in a cycle of constantly reborn alien Thors and the previous Thor was indeed a red head). Yeah, murk it up however you want Marvel — Thor should be a ginger. Mjolnir is surprised he wasn’t given any dialogue. Did Loki write the screenplay?
The lights dim… the movie is on! Thor is banished to New Jersey by the Odinator. Why does the All Father look so soft around the edges? He’s been “photomated,” of course. Why can’t Hollywood cough up the money for a little cartoon realism? Another bucket of popcorn, please.
Oh, yeah… don’t you love those free refill deals at the theater? I’m sure the movie theater still makes a profit even if you eat ten of those buckets and share them with all of your friends. But today things change because Thor not only likes popcorn but he is hungry from the long trip to Midgard. Three barrels of mead and a whole ox would make it a complete meal.
One of my inlaws eats popcorn like this, by the way. Always gets his own bucket, won’t share. Only person I’ve ever seen get not just one but two refills. Frankly, after five or six bites of that butter sludge I’m done eating for the day.
So, I did something to the comic today that I usually don’t do — I went back and reworked some previous comics to make them better fit the storyline. So if you click back a few days you will see Thor innocently eating his first small bucket of popcorn… and then eating a little more… and then… POPCORN FRENZY! Previously Thor was sleeping which was of course a logical thing to do when listening to a marketing chick blab endlessly about the rules of a sneak preview. But completely illogical that he would pass the concessions counter on the way into the theater without getting the largest bucket of popcorn in the house.
Empty the silo!
Mjolnir, Thor, and Baldur eagerly await the sneak preview of Thor. Mjolnir is fascinated by the idea that a studio will actually change a movie based on the comments of a test audience. Apparently, even the opinions of Jotuns matter when making a Hollywood blockbuster. Especially Jotuns. If the movie makes sense to Jotuns, it will make sense to anyone, and everyone knows Jotuns love to pay full price on Friday night (they are not the most financially savvy) rather than pick up the movie on Netflix (requires a credit card) much less figure out the technology required for a download.
Mjolnir is ready to give his comments and the movie hasn’t even started yet. He’s fairly confident it will need about 40 times more blood than what is currently in there.
More Thor movie coming soon!
Midgard Theaters welcomes each of you to our sneak preview of the movie Thor. Photography is not allowed and please fill out the blue questionnaire after the film. Naturally, Mjolnir is suspicious that this could be a bushwhack. Why else would a complete stranger solicit his opinion other than to use it as a weapon against him later? Thor is ready for a nap. Baldur wants to know if he can submit his comments in runes. The skinny studio goth chick is going to have her hands full with this crowd. More Thor movie coming soon!
Buzz of the Thor movie has finally reached Asgard, and yes, the gods are curious.
Mjolnir is naturally pissed since he was not consulted by the makers of the film. Thor seems more interested in drinking beer. But when Baldur shows up with free sneak preview movie tickets, it’s time for a special trip to Midgard!
To be continued next week…
