Jotunheim. Air Defense Border Post 7B. An alarm rings and the intrepid giant guards scramble into action… well, sort of. Jotuns are not known for being particularly savvy when it comes to technology. The new missile defense system just isn’t working out for them. Perhaps they should return to hurling rocks from the rocky cliffs of their homeland.
Thor has gotten himself arrested again. When he starts drinking, there is no telling what is going to happen next. He probably expects Mjolnir to break him out of jail — just like every time before. Sure, Mjolnir will rescue Thor, but he’s making a little detour first… Jotunheim.
When the gods are away, the magical weapons will play!
Thor was making a few repairs on his mead hall and feeling a bit hot and thirsty. He should not have used beer to quench his thirst. Now his mead hall is a pile of ashes and an unknown child is calling him daddy. And has anyone seen Mjolnir lately?
When I was a young kid I once found a dead animal and my grandfather taught me “how to see the bones” by placing the lifeless creature on an ant hill and letting the little buggers have a smorgasbord. I found the whole procedure both fascinating and nightmarish, Practically speaking, it’s a great method for cleaning skulls — and ecofriendly too I might add. I figure crabs probably do a similarly good job, and that seemed a bit more Viking for some reason (I remember someone being eaten by crabs in the movie, The Vikings). Enjoy! 😛
The social system in Giant Land is being flooded with mutant children. The sons of Odin delight in slaughtering giant males but have no compunctions about impregnating giant women. But of course they are nowhere to be found once the crossbred monster is born. Thor of course is the biggest culprit. Mimir suggests he put a sock on pickle before his next ride on a tuba tanker. I mean, should the gods really be above contraception?
Mjolnir hammered 254 giants this year.
Thor nailed 35 giant women.
Mjolnir smashed their skulls and watched their brains drip on the earth.
Thor rode those tuba tankers like a horse humping a mountain pass.
Hope your year was as good as theirs — and wishing you a smashing 2010 from Odin and Friends!
Odin has organized a little holiday exchange with giants. Freyja knows the giants are loaded, so she’s looking forward to getting some new gold on her fingers and silver around her neck. Odin, however, said nothing about exchanging presents.
Young Baldur, always curious, strives to learn the ways of the Viking gods. For instance, after slaying a giant, what does one do with the head? Odin explains…
So what if Thor likes big women?
Like, really big women.
Women so big, they might be giants.
Women so big, they in fact are giants.
Although the Aesir might talk endless smack about their giantly neighbors in Jotunheim, when you read the Eddas, there’s scarcely a god that hasn’t snuck over the mountains to frolick in the fjord with a BBW.
See all posts on giant women.
The fire giants are drunk and the frost giants are fat on dwarf meat… how is the Ragnarok ever going to get started with the giants in shambles?
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