Posts Tagged baldur

91 results.

Total Female Disaster

by on February 17, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

Baldur can’t understand why the women in Asgard look nothing like those on Midgard.

Loki explains:

The women in Asgard are covered up with so much armor and weaponry that there’s no telling what lies beneath. Those that are willing to depart with their shells are frequently in dire shape from tussles with giants, dragons, and enemy clans. Add to this the generally cold northern climate and you have a prescription for total female disaster.

Yeah, I know this comic is a little sick. Welcome to my twisted brain. At least I know — like the Norse gods — that I won’t have to live with myself forever. Even the afterlife is temporary. This comic is a little misinformed as well. Everyone knows there are plenty of smoking hot Valkyries in Asgard. Unfortunately, I don’t currently have the illustration skills to create them for the electronic pages of Odin and Friends!

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Trophy Skulls

by on February 5, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

It’s understandable. Not everyone wants to crowd up their mead hall with massive, severed giant skulls. But surely everyone has room for three or four human skulls. Or a few dwarf skulls. Or half a dozen elf skulls. Any smaller than that, and we’re talking rodents. And that just won’t do…

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How to Clean Skulls

by on February 3, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

When I was a young kid I once found a dead animal and my grandfather taught me “how to see the bones” by placing the lifeless creature on an ant hill and letting the little buggers have a smorgasbord. I found the whole procedure both fascinating and nightmarish, Practically speaking, it’s a great method for cleaning skulls — and ecofriendly too I might add. I figure crabs probably do a similarly good job, and that seemed a bit more Viking for some reason (I remember someone being eaten by crabs in the movie, The Vikings). Enjoy! 😛

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View of the Fjord

by on February 1, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

Odin thinks Baldur is building his mead hall all wrong. Skylights,
plumbing, windows… these are modern notions that should be shunned
like a giantess with a rotten crotch!

A proper mead hall is a simple affair: a smoky, windowless room with wooden benches, a fire pit, and a trophy wall on which to display the severed heads of one’s enemies. Odin would rather sit in the dark than take an arrow in the face because someone insisted on having a lovely view of the fjord.

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Used Tires

by on January 29, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

Frigg is excited that Baldur, her youngest son, is finally building his own mead hall and leaving home. Odin warns her not to say goodbye just yet. Baldur lacks the fortitude to deforest a hillside and transform it into a wooden palace of drinking, boasting, and rowdy romping. Right now his little lordship is probably apologizing to some robin for even thinking about disturbing her nest. Meanwhile, Thor is wondering where to put the 30,000 used tires that Baldur ordered for his ecofriendly mead hall.

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Kicked Out

by on January 27, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

I’m not sure how Odin has managed to kick his sons out of the house without any feet, but I never intended these comics to be completely literal. In any case, Frigg is dejected that her young son is leaving home, but Baldur comforts her, saying his new mead hall will be just over the ridge.

Vidar and Vali both left home after drunken brawls with Odin, and Thor was tossed out by the horns after he broke the bed with one of his giantessa girlfriends. Frigg cries tears of joy. Baldur is going to be first child to leave home without his father’s foot in his ass!

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Indoor Plumbing

by on January 25, 2010 at 5:00 am
Chapter:

Baldur shares his mead hall blueprints with Odin. At Breidablik, skylights compliment a warm interior with candlelit tables and a few small booths to encourage intimate conversation. Upstairs, each of the seven theme bedrooms allows guest to experience what sleep is like in another zone of the biosphere. Each theme bedroom has a corresponding theme bathroom — if you’ve ever wanted to crap in the jungle, now’s your chance!

Odin hate the design. It’s not the theme bedrooms that bug him, it’s the indoor plumbing. Indoor plumbing is for old women and dwarves.

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