Although Odin pays little attention to the billions of prayers that humans send daily into the clouds, occasionally one will perk his attention…
Dear Lord Jesus Christ, listen to my humble prayer. I need to know whether you exist or not, my Lord. I have a teenage hooker waiting for me right now in Las Vegas. Your possible existence is the only thing keeping me from leaving my fat wife.
Odin responds.
Thor rumbles the clouds when he sleeps. With every snoring breath, thunder rocks the earth. His snoring is so loud that none of the other gods can sleep. And his sleep farts aren’t helping either.
Loki finds out that Baldur is seeing a psychologist on Midgard and decides to tease Odin.
Odin explains that Loki is the only god in Asgard who needs to have his skull pried into, but Loki has already been there and done that…
Many winters ago, Loki did some jail time on Vanaheim and had a kind hearted prison psychologist who taught him things about his mind he never new.
Unfortunately, the relationship ended quite suddenly when the psychologist criticized Loki’s deviant lifestyle and Loki tied him to a chair and lit him on fire.
Alas, friends, this is what passes for humor on Odin and Friends
Baldur and his new psychologist (who looks strangely like Sigmund Freud) get to work exploring the inner workings of Baldur’s tormented mind.
Baldur tells Freud about his four brothers: Thor, born from Earth; Vali, born from Rind; Vidar, born from Grid; and Hermod, who’s mother no one is quite sure about.
To make things more complicated, Earth is also Odin’s daughter, and Grid is a giant.
Baldur points out that needless to say, there’s a lot of tension at family reunions.
Odin tells Frigg he thinks it’s a terrible idea to send Baldur to see a skullsniffing psychologist on Midgard, but Frigg insists.
The psychologist is supposed to be one the best on Midgard, and comes highly recommended by Skirnir (a human hero from the Eddas known best for helping the god Freyr hook up with a smoking hot giant chick).
Down on Midgard, Baldur sits on the psych couch and gets to know his new doctor…
Frigg tells Odin that she thinks Baldur is suffering from a lot of pent up frustration and needs help. Odin first volunteers Thor to take Baldur out to get drunk, then Freyja to hook Baldur up with a Valkyrie on a “mercy date.”
Frigg has already taken steps to help Baldur, however… she’s arranged for him to see a psychologist on Midgard.
Odin explains that Baldur should do what the rest of the family does with pent-up frustration: go out and kill things.
Baldur feels overwhelmed. The nine worlds harbor so many problems… war, violence, deforestation, pollution, cruelty. He tries to fix one calamity and another rises up and takes its place.
Frigg has a solution for Baldur’s problems. The simple answer he’s been looking for. A sure-fire solution to make all his troubles go away.
Cupcakes.
Baldur tells his mother Frigg that he is gravely concerned about their family. Father Odin spends all his time brooding about the Ragnarok and hurling lightning bolts at innocent humans, while Thor and the other brothers are either drunk or out killing things. At home, the men sit around the table comparing trophy skulls and giant mistresses, and the women don’t seem to mind as long as there’s enough loot and treasure from recent raids to go around.
Frigg asks Baldur if he can think of what the family does as “retro” and paste a fake smile on his face. Baldur has already tried…
Baldur feels himself going insane. The pressures of the world and the medieval ways of his family weigh heavily on his sensitive young mind. Over the next couple of weeks, Odin and Friends will crack open the skull of Baldur to expose his inner frustration for all the world to see. Is there hope for this young god of peace in a world that celebrates war? Perhaps Odin has a solution for his troubled young son…
Baldur asks his mother Frigg about her views on blasting innocent humans with lightning bolts. Frigg tells Baldur with dreamy eyes about how she and Odin went “bolting” on their first date. He got 12 humans, she got nine. Oh, to be young again. Frigg tells Baldur she only bolts mortals for good reason, however: pleasure or sport. As Baldur prepares to vomit, Frigg spies a gaggle of mortals crossing an empty field and invites her son to participate in a game of round robin.
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