Happy Father’s Day to all the Odins out there. May your sons please you with their valor and cheerfully acquiesce to your eccentricities.
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Comic
333 comics.
Some of you ladies out there might think it sounds cool to be married to Thor. After all, he is the God of Thunder, and a friend to man as well-loved per capita as any god in the entire history of religion.
But as a husband, Thor is a real handful. He drinks too much, snores incessantly, and worst of all, cheats on his wife with giant women.
Sif lets him get away with quite a bit. It’s not that she’s weak willed or afraid to confront him. But if she cut off his balls the entire religion might collapse.
Besides awesome hair, some sources credit Sif with being able to see into the future. Most of these sources are from the modern day — neo pagan enhancements of the old myths. There is no mention Sif’s ability to see into the future in the Eddas.
But so what? Sif runs with it anyway. She can even look into your future. Let her call upon the powers of clairvoyance locked within her beautiful golden curls…
Sif is Thor’s wife, best known in the pantheon for her awesome shock of magical golden hair.
Many winters ago, Loki cut off Sif’s lovely blonde hair as a practical joke. When Thor threatened to bash in Loki’s brains, Loki had some dwarves make Sif some new, magical hair. The hair looked kind of like a wig, but when Sif put it on, the hair fastened to her head and became the real deal — except this time it wasn’t just gold in color, it was real gold!
At first Sif didn’t like her new doo, since hair made out of gold is such a bitch to wash. But then she realized… hey, she’s got magic hair!
Odin invites Thor to journey to Giant Land with him to kill some cloud heads. Thor is still recovering from last night’s drunk, and can’t seem to pull himself together. Odin would recommend a treatment program for Thor’s drinking, but that would mean he might have to get sober too.
Thor’s hammer Mjollnir is always eager to kill giants.
The humans continue to bombard Odin with endless prayers of war and peace and victory in sports competition. Odin contemplates sending a fireball to wipe out the entire pathetic species. The humans need to leave the gods well enough alone and solve their own problems. Putting his head in the mouth of a fire breathing dragon would be less torture than what the humans put him through.
Frigg tells Odin that blasting Baldur’s psychologist with a lightning bolt was a cruel thing to do, and the other gods feel the same way. Odin is pleased that his reputation for being terrible and capricious is still intact. Tell the others to take a number and get in line.
Frigg insists that Odin do something to make the situation better. Odin, tired of her badgering, swears by his third eye to fix the situation.
Soon Baldur is talking to his new skullsniffer…
Baldur is pissed off that his father Odin blasted his psychologist with a lightning bolt.
Odin explains that humans should know better than to psychoanalyze the gods. There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom… instead of taking advice from theory-schooled windbags, take some his battle-tested father. “Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.”
Or, in the case of Mr. Freud, “Whatever kills you also makes you dead.”
Baldur finishes explaining his problems to his psychologist and eagerly awaits the solution…
Truly his case complicated, but after serious reflection, Freud admits that most of Baldur’s problems are directly related to his father, Odin. Casting off the yoke of domestic tyranny is of utmost importance to the young god’s well being!
Odin insists Baldur get a second a opinion.
